Think Like a Woman
by teamhook
Summary: Summary: Modern AU about a guy that remakes himself into a womanizer after a broken-heart. Yes, it is a cliché but the twist comes in the shape of his 15-year-old niece that wishes out into the stars and then some kind of magic happens. This story is inspired by the movie "What Women Want". Captain Swan AU, there will be other ships but the main pair is Captain Swan.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Killian Jones is the epitome of _a man's man_ , he's admired, a true alpha, and other men want to be him. He has a way with the ladies, but he doesn't understand a thing about them. At least he doesn't _now_. Yep, he knows how to please a woman, but once the thrill of the chase is done, so is he.

But, Killian Jones wasn't always the womanizer he is now. Once upon a time, he'd been head over heels in love with his college girlfriend, Milah. In his eyes, they'd been in love and monogamous. He'd wanted to marry her. He was young but he hadn't cared; if his brother Liam could find his soulmate at a young age, why couldn't he?

 _He was on his way to surprise his love with an unexpected romantic visit, armed with a ring in his coat pocket. He was on his way to propose to his Milah. It started to sprinkle and the light showers made for a romantic setting. He noticed a sports car parked across the entrance of the dorms and as he got closer, he saw Milah run out of her dorm covering her head from the assaulting raindrops, and into the mysterious car._

 _He rushed over, assuming she was headed out with friends, only to witness his longtime girlfriend kissing a stranger. Not knowing what else to do, he knocked on the window. She looked at him coldly as she lowered it, she didn't even look sorry. Before he could say a word she ended things. "We are over, Killian. I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same way that you do. You are suffocating me."_

 _Just like that his life was over, or at least life as he knew it. She'd never loved him. The car pulled away and all he could do was drop to his knees. "I loved you, I wanted you to be my wife," he whispered into the silence that surrounded him. In that moment, his heart broke._

 _He dragged himself back home, and he allowed himself to breakdown. As time passed, one thought emerged, "Good guys finish last." He had been a model boyfriend and it had been for naught._

 _Killian Jones picked up the pieces of his shattered life, and when he started to put them back together, the sweet, idealistic, young, innocent man was no more. He focused on his studies, shut everyone out other than for physical intimacy here and there. He joined a gym, got a personal trainer. As he came into his looks, women flocked to him, and the more unavailable he seemed, the more they wanted him. He doggedly pursued his career in advertising, and his hyper focus, take no prisoners ideals got him to the top quickly. Over the years, Killian became a very different man, he'd evolved into a successful, irresistible, bachelor bad boy_.

…

Dark tousled hair falls over his eyes as he sits up, rudely awoken by the loud noise emitted from the vacuum cleaner outside of his bedroom. His eyes are red from the lack of sleep after a late night of enjoyable activities.

"Bloody hell, don't you ever knock?" Killian throws his pillow at the offending woman now in his bedroom.

"I did, and besides you and I know that if I wasn't here to wake you, you would always be late for work." Granny Lucas temporarily turns off the vacuum and throws the pillow right back at his face.

"The only reason I put up with your attitude is because I love the way you cook." He gets up and stretches, unphased by Granny's presence.

"Don't get cranky with me! It's not my fault you went out drinking and who knows what else till all hours of the morning. Oh, and I don't like finding these stuffed in your sofa." Granny holds out a pair of red panties in his direction as she looks around the room to see what kind of mess is in there. She flings the trashy panties into the trash can and walks out without another word.

Standing in the middle of his large bedroom chuckling at Granny's outburst, he decides it's time to get ready for work. It is a special day after all. He will be getting that promotion he has been coveting.

Killian makes his way to the bathroom and takes a quick shower before trimming his beard and mustache. He almost forgets to put in some eye drops to hide his late night.

He dons an onyx black suit with a dark blue tie that matches his eyes, then smirks and winks to himself as he takes one last look at the mirror.

He knows his eyes are one of his finest assets, so he dresses to emphasize them, allowing them to draw an audience.

As he's exiting his building, he spots his door woman and smirks as she eyes him up and down. She smiles appreciatively at him and waves for a cab. Unbeknownst to Killian, as he walks towards the cab she appreciates his form and thinks, "Mmm hmm." She admired his form while he stood there completely unaware of the woman's thoughts.

He instructs the cab driver to make a quick stop at the local coffee shop, The Jolly Bean. He swaggers inside the small shop almost knocking over an unsuspecting pretty woman. Smiling, he backs up and holds the door for her. "I'm sorry love; I wasn't watching where I was going."

She looks up and meets those sea colored eyes. "Oh, it's fine; I was the one that should have been paying more attention."

"No darling, I'm happy taking the blame for this wonderful encounter. If it would have been any other way, perhaps we would have missed the opportunity of meeting. My name is Killian Jones." He holds her gaze and extends his hand.

Her eyelashes flutter as she gives him her hand. "My name is Haylee."

"It's very nice to meet you."

"Likewise, I'm sure." They continue with their light flirtation as she gives him her phone number and leaves.

He now realizes he has spent the last five minutes flirting instead of getting his coffee. He hopes the cab driver is still outside waiting for him. He walks up to the counter and smiles at the barista.

"Hello Killian, the usual?"

"Hello love, aye may I have an Americano, black, Grande."

She smirks and repeats his order to the trainee. "You said Grande correct?"

"Aye, would you like to confirm my size?" He waggles his eyebrows.

"Killian, I have told you before I'm not your type."

"Lila, if you truly want me to stop flirting with you, all you have to do is say the word."

She looks past him to the following customer, so Killian moves out of the way while waiting for a response.

"Hello, what can I get you today?"

The flustered man is about to answer but is interrupted by Killian. "This will just take a sec."

"Lila, love, an answer would be appreciated."

"Killian, please stop flirting with me. Look, even if I wanted to go out with you I can't, I'm trying to focus on my acting career. I go to auditions and then have to come here. To be honest, I don't need the distraction."

"I will stop as requested, but darling you look so tense. We could continue talking about this over dinner tonight, how about we meet here around 8:30 P.M.?"

"Oh, that sounds really nice."

"So it's a date?"

"Yes, it is, thank you."

The next customer in line is in awe at the scene before him.

Killian smiles at Lila as he grabs his coffee and winks her way.

"I'm sorry mate."

"No, it was worth it, that was inspiring."

"I know." Killian then pats his latest pupil on the shoulder and leaves the coffee shop.

Killian is thankful the taxi cab is still waiting for him, he'll reward him with a nice tip. He relaxes a bit as the taxi drives towards his office at one of the top five ad agencies in the city, Midas-Knightley.

The receptionist, Elaine is answering the phone as Killian crosses the lobby. He winks at her, and she becomes noticeably flustered.

When he exits the elevator at his floor, the always lively Will Scarlett is approaching him.

"Jones, did you hear?"

"Hello Scarlett, hear what?"

"Bacardi and BMW are looking for a new ad agency."

"Oh that, I know, I'm all over it."

They continue walking to Killian's office, enthralled in their small conversation.

"So what happened with the girl from last night? She excused herself because she had an early morning."

"Don't worry Scarlett, I had her in bed by eleven."

"Mate, you are a bloody genius, I don't know how you do it. And you must be excited about your promotion."

"I am extremely excited, and if you ask me I would say it is overdue. I have a meeting with George this morning."

"Let's have lunch at Wonderland to celebrate?"

"I have to decline; I have lunch plans with my brother and his wife. They've some big news they are dying to tell me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Mr. Jones. I left your sunglasses and the Gillette budget on your desk, next to your laptop."

Jasmine gives Killian his messages as they walk towards his office.

"Thank you, Jasmine."

"Mr. King wants to see you as soon as you arrive."

"I know, he called and confirmed with me already."

"Would you like a beverage? I'm on my way to the break room."

"No, thank you."

Killian is about to walk into his office and is stopped by his loyal senior assistant Mallory.

"Ah-ah no time for that, off you go, you cannot be late to this meeting boss." She gently pushes him in the direction of George's office. "I will have the champagne on ice, ready to celebrate."

Killian looks at his watch and it finally sinks in that there is not enough time for him to go into his office. He is bloody running late.

"Alright Mal, are you sure you can handle the 44th floor?"

"I was made for the 44th floor. Now go, or you are going to be late for sure."

He winks at her and leaves to George's office. Killian can barely contain his excitement. He is the obvious choice for the vacant Creative Director position. It's not like he is at the bottom of the barrel; he is a bloody executive at a top agency. No one can sell better than him.

Killian arrives for his meeting with George only to find that the older man is running late as well. Luck is on his side, or so he thinks.

He opts to sit on the leather couch instead of the leather chair opposing the large black oak granite desk.

The anticipation of the confirmation of the promotion is making him antsy. He knows it will simply be a formality. He is prompted to wait while the other man returns from the 45th floor. He is still sitting as he searches through his phone's contacts. He is trying to find the right person to celebrate with, or perhaps he can go out and find someone new.

"Killian, have you been here long?"

"I've only been waiting a couple of minutes."

"Oh good, the partner's meeting lasted a little longer than anticipated."

"No problem, I understand."

George goes to sit on the couch opposite of Killian, but cannot maintain

eye contact with him which puts the younger man on high alert.

"George, is there a problem?"

"No Killian, at least I hope not. You know I love you like a son, and no one is better at what you do than you but..."

"Ah, but what is the problem?"

"I hate making speeches especially when I have you to write them for me."

"I sense there is hesitation in there..."

"The last few years, well there is no easy way to say it, but we have been struggling to stay on top, to keep the business..."

"Struggling? We are in the top five, I don't understand."

"I know, but we used to be _the_ agency, and now we are grappling to make the top five," George sighs.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Have you heard of Emma Swan?"

"Aye, she won the Clio last year when we should have. She works at Hatter & Greenwich. I hear she is a man-eater, a witch on wheels. What of her?"

"She was the one that beat us for the award?" Killian nods his confirmation and George continues, "Well before I go on, listen to me carefully, this could be a really good thing for the company. She is extremely smart and I know she hasn't done it on her own..." George hesitates, unable to continue.

"I am listening, I'm at the edge of my seat, go on."

"She left Hatter & Greenwich, she is a free agent and—"

"I know, I heard and…" suddenly he realizes what his boss is trying to say, "let me guess, you offered her the Creative Director position?"

"I did, and she accepted. We need her Killian, she understands women, and buying power among women is at an all time high these last several years."

"I understand women perfectly well, George. We don't need her."

"No, you don't; you know how to get in their pants."

Killian is now completely frustrated and scoffs at the comment.

"Killian, she is coming later to meet the staff, her first day will be tomorrow. All I ask is for you to just give her a chance, this could be a really good thing for the company. I know you have the lunch with your brother, but make sure to be back this afternoon to meet Ms. Swan."

"It's isn't like I bloody have a choice, do I? If my presence is no longer required I'll take my leave now." Killian storms out without waiting for a response.

His morning is highly unproductive after his trainwreck of a meeting with George, and he finds himself relieved to be making his exit to finally go meet with his brother and sister-in-law.

Entering The Jewel, the hostess directs him to follow her and Killian thanks her with a wink.

 _Interesting,_ he thinks when he sees one of his one night stands, from a long time ago leaving his brother's table.

"Hello love, it has been a while."

"Killian, I had hoped to leave before you arrived."

"There is no need to leave on my account, Aurora. If I remember correctly, there was a time when you enjoyed my company thoroughly."

Aurora blushes and looks away. "Yes, I remember, but that time has passed. I'm on my way to meet my new husband."

"Oh, husband, Liam never mentioned you had wed. May I kiss the bride?" he asks as he leans down.

Aurora stops him before he gets too close. "Killian, I thought pursuing married women was bad form?"

"Aye, it is, but I was merely offering a kiss for luck. Just a kiss... nothing nefarious in that, is there?"

"Perhaps, but I really must go." She offers him a small smile then ducks past him to leave.

Killian sighs, shaking his head at the prospect of one less lovely lady in the world as he arrives at their table.

Liam and Elsa Jones are both Naval officers, each head of a special joint project between the US and British Royal Navies. The project's focus is combatting the mistreatment of disabled veterans. It aims to spread awareness of veteran rights, and bring help and better services to all veterans. Due to the importance of the project, the couple often has to travel for extended times. Unfortunately their job schedules are not always conducive to their one and only daughter who doesn't want to leave her life or her new boyfriend.

Unbeknownst to Killian, their hope is to leave her with Uncle Killian.

Killian Jones is about to become legal guardian to his young niece.

Liam believes this will be good for his brother, Elsa thinks it will lead to trouble.

"Hello brother. Elsa. So what is so important it couldn't wait?" he asks, sighing heavily as he slumps down into his chair.

"Killian, we have some news."

"I'm all ears," he responds with fake enthusiasm.

"Quit acting like an arse. This is serious; this news has the capacity to be life altering."

Killian rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry for my rudeness. Please, go on."

"KILLIAN!"

"Just tell me."

Elsa is the one that responds. "Killian, how about you tell us why you're acting this way."

"I'm sorry Elsa; I shouldn't bother you with the unpleasantries of my job."

"Killian, you are my little brother-in-law. I love you as much as your brother does. We worry about you."

"Fine, I got looked over for the promotion I thought was already mine. And just in case, I'm in no mood for a lecture about my love life. Oh, and I love you too. Now about your news does it have anything to do with Aurora? I saw her leaving your table."

"Oh, Liam maybe you should take over now."

"Sweetheart you are doing such an amazing job."

Killian looks between the two. He hadn't noticed it before but they are nervous. This does not bode well for him.

"At my lovely wife's request, but first little brother I'm sorry to hear about the promotion. What happened?"

"It doesn't matter; your news seems to be more important. So what is the big news?"

"Killian, as you know Elsa and I are heading the Disabled Vet Awareness Project and it requires us to travel quite a bit. Normally Annabeth stays with Aurora but we didn't want to impose with her new marriage."

"Liam, just tell me what you want."

"I, I mean we hope you would allow your niece to stay with you for a while. At least until the school semester ends."

"Liam, I would love to, but I'm not exactly role model material for the lass-"

"Killian, we wouldn't ask if we had another choice. She doesn't want to go with us. She is your family too."

"I know she is family, Liam. Elsa, is this acceptable with you?" Killian scratches his elven ear nervously as he waits for a response.

"Liam is right, you are family and besides I think some alone time with uncle Killy would be nice for her. You haven't been around much."

"Then she is more than welcome to stay with me. Does she know?"

Elsa smiles sweetly at him and he knows he is in trouble.

"She is meeting us here. She seems to be running late." Elsa frowns as she looks at her watch. "I need to go freshen up. I will text her for her status. I'll be right back." She leans to kiss Liam and walks away.

"Liam, are you positive this is a good idea?"

"Killian it is the only choice we have. Just keep your extracurricular activities to a minimum. Don't worry, I'm not going to lecture you about finding a good lass to fall in love with and settle down. Just don't corrupt my daughter."

"You don't trust me and yet you are about to leave your most prized possession with me."

"I trust you Killian and I love you, but your choices regarding women have not been the best. Now tell me what happened with the promotion. I thought it was a sure thing."

"I will strive to be on my best behavior while Annabeth is staying with me. I too thought it was a sure thing but the reason I was passed over is that I'm a man."

"I don't understand."

"George wants us to appeal to the female market and it seems my experience in that department is lacking so he hired some woman to take us to the promised land."

"Oh, I understand. Killian, don't take it personally. You are amazing at your job, but let's face it, understanding what women want is just not your forte."

Killian is just staring at his brother as Elsa returns from the restroom.

"Liam, Killian, look who I ran into as I was leaving the ladies room. Annabeth, greet your favorite uncle."

"Hello, Uncle Killian."

"Hello Annabeth, you have grown so much. You are quite the beauty."

"Thank you. Mom, I was wondering if I could meet my friends at the mall later today."

"Annabeth, I'm sitting right here. How about asking your father for permission?"

"Dad, may I go meet my friends?"

"Are you meeting your friends or that boy that has been hanging around?"

"My friends and I may want to meet Hans later."

"Elsa sweetheart is this alright with you?"

"That is why I asked mom, you always do whatever she says anyway."

"I do not."

"Sure dad. Uh, where is Aunt Aurora? I thought you guys were going to ask her if I could stay with her."

"Annabeth you know Aurora just married Phillip. They are leaving on a cruise within days. I'm so sorry sweetheart but you cannot stay with her."

Annabeth's face drops. "I'm not going with you guys! I can stay home alone."

"Annabeth, I'm not leaving my fifteen-year old alone. You will stay with Uncle Killian."

"What, are you serious? How is he going to look out for me when he is too worried about his next fling?"

"If you don't want to leave with us tomorrow you will stay with your uncle."

"Fine. How about you Uncle, will I be cramping your style? I know how much you love the ladies." There was a bite in her words.

He chuckles at her feistiness. "I have no problem with you staying with me, Annabeth. Is this all brother? I have to return to work for a quick meeting."

"No, that's all. Annabeth will be meeting you at home tomorrow."

"Annabeth, you will be on your best behavior. You will follow the same rules at your uncle's home as you do at home with us."

"Killian before you go," Liam leans towards Killian in hopes to prevent his daughter and wife from hearing him. "This Hans guy is older than her, please make sure he is on his best behavior."

Killian whispers to his brother, "Liam, isn't she a little young for a boyfriend?"

"If I oppose she will do it behind my back. I have to trust she will do the right thing."

"Dad, see you at home. Mom," she leans to kiss her, "Uncle Killian, I'll see you tomorrow. Later!"

...

Killian is back at Midas-Knightley for the dreaded meeting.

Back at Midas-Knightley Killian awaits the dreaded meeting. Try as he might, he is hot under the collar, and he's having a hard time imagining how he's going to give this interloper a chance.

"Killian, I heard, I'm sorry mate, I really thought you had it."

"Aye, it was not in the cards. Scarlett, you ready to meet your new Creative Director?"

"Let's get this over with."

Arriving at the conference room, Killian goes to grab some coffee. He wishes it was rum. As he is preparing his cup as he hears a voice coming from behind him.

"Hello, may I have a cup?"

He turns around to answer and is met with vibrant green eyes and waves of blonde hair that belonged to the most beautiful woman he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. He smiles his most dashing smile before answering, "Of course my lady, I never deny a beautiful woman. Killian Jones at your service." He licks his bottom lip and then he is hosed down when he hears her following words, "Nice to meet you Killian Jones, I'm Emma Swan."

He stands there dumbly as she fills her cup and walks away to take her seat.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

George Spencer stands in front of the conference room and clears his throat in an effort to obtain everyone's attention. "Now that you all have found a seat and some coffee, I have an announcement to make. It is time for us to prove ourselves in the marketplace once more. To aid in our endeavor allow me to introduce your new Creative Director; Emma Swan."

There are whispers, applause and even some oohs and aahs as they all offer up nice to meet yous and other small congratulatory talk.

Emma joins George at the head of the table.

"Hello. My name is Emma Swan and I'm here to help get the company back on track. A little bit about me. When I first started my career it was my dream to work here at Midas-Knightley, but sadly it was not in the cards. I was given an opportunity to prove myself at Hatter & Greenwich. One of the most valuable lessons I learned there is two heads are better than one. I know together we can turn this company around."

She smiles and looks around the room making eye contact with everyone as she waits for their responses. "I love challenges and I hope hard work and long hours are not a problem." She tilts her head and her green eyes meet with intense blue that seem to dive into her soul. She blinks and then the connection is gone, much to her dismay.

"I have a challenge for all of you. This pink box holds products from companies looking for new representation. When Sears decided to show their softer side and said, "Come see the softer side of Sears," their revenue went up twenty-five percent. That is huge. Now, I'm sure it goes without saying that up until now, Midas-Knightley has not done its due diligence targeting the fairer sex. Is it a mistake? Big time, the buying power of a woman cannot be mistaken. The challenge is simple, come up with ideas for one or all of the items. Let's see what is in the box."

She opens the box and pulls out control-top pantyhose, a push-up bra, moisturizing lipstick, Advil, waterproof eyeliner, bath beads, cleansing strips, volumizer for hair, and a home waxing kit. "I'm sure all the women are familiar with the items but let's do a quick review for the men." The men are familiar with most of the items, but the personal wax kit required a little more information.

"Let's reconvene tomorrow and see where we are."

With those final words, the meeting ends and everyone trickles out. It doesn't escape Killian's notice that many stop to kiss the ass of the newest ad executive.

The meeting has Killian in a sour mood, the only thing that makes him smile is that he will be releasing some of that tension soon enough.

Once back at home he readies himself for his date with Lila. He's not a sloppy man but he's in a hurry, so he decides to deal with the mess he's just made getting ready upon his return.

He looks good in his dark, tight jeans and a blue dress shirt that is the same shade as his eyes. He's left a few of the top buttons opened as is his habit, then throws on his black leather jacket and heads out the door.

He takes Lila out to a nice dinner that eventually leads to a _nightcap_ at her place and ends with his quick exit. He has an early morning and he needs to ensure the guest room is ready for his niece.

Killian arrives home from his date and sits down on his sofa. It's been a hell of a day, and the pink box that is staring at him from his coffee table isn't helping. Ignoring it isn't working so he decides to employ a little liquid courage.

"A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets," he mutters as he approaches the bar and pours a draught of his favorite rum. Sure, it's not a refined action, but he has a good excuse. His day had been horrible.

"Alexa, play Sympathy for the Devil," he asks of his digital assistant, then walks toward the table that holds the dreaded pink box.

He peers inside the ominous box, then pulls each item out slowly.. He stares at the lipstick, "Bloody hell, I can do this! I can sell to women. Damn it, I'm a professional!" he closes his eyes and let's the first image that comes to mind take root. "I see a beautiful dark haired, no, a blonde with pouty lips applying the candy apple red lipstick as she stands under a waterfall. The water trails down her voluptuous body and she opens her green eyes and licks her lips…" an image of Emma Swan has wandered into his traitorous mind. "I'm a lesbian, because if I was a woman I would have been turned on by that image." He looks down to see the evident arousal in his pants at the images his mind had conjured up.

That had not worked. He tries to think of a song that will empower the woman in him, and suddenly Katy Perry springs to mind. "Alexa, play Roar." He waits for the song to start.

After listening through the first chorus, he scoops the items back into the box and walks to his bedroom. He unceremoniously dumps the contents onto his bed and stares at them. Control-top pantyhose, push-up bra, moisturizing lipstick, Advil, waterproof eyeliner, bath beads, cleansing strips, hair volumizer and a wax kit. He scratches the back of his ear. Well, he knows how to remove a bra and pantyhose but that is about it.

"Enough procrastination you bloody git, you can do this. How hard can it be?" He grabs the wax and heads to his bathroom. He slowly undresses to his knickers and prepares to go all in. He doesn't read the directions thoroughly, _how hard can it be_ , he thinks. He applies a thick layer of wax in the direction of hair growth on his leg. "Buggering hell, this is hot!" he curses before pressing on the strips provided and allowing it to cool further. "Now hold skin taut and quickly pull off the wax in one motion in the opposite direction of hair growth," he mumbles, reading from the package as he goes. "Why would any woman want to do this?"

Next he enjoys the bath with the beads, but not before applying the eyeliner and lipstick to see just how waterproof and long lasting they are, he also applies the cleansing strip across his nose. The scented beads leave his skin smelling luxuriant, but in order to be thorough, he decides against a long bath, so he quickly washes his hair and body, then moves on.

Exiting the bath he towels off and puts on a fresh pair of boxer briefs, then decides to work on his already perfect hair. He applies the volumizer to his still wet lock and notes his hair does look softer, silkier, and thicker after finally drying it. "Fairly long process for a little sheen," he grumbles.

So far most of the products he has tested do exactly what they claim. The eyeliner is definitely waterproof he notices while admiring himself It wasn't a perfect application, but for his first time, it looks good. "Well, this certainly makes my eyes stand out." The lipstick is still in place, and with any luck his pores are being cleansed thoroughly. He rolls his eyes at the amount of work women must go through on the daily.

He grabs the push up bra and deftly fastens it around his back, "Just as good putting one on as taking one off," he snickers.

Last up are the control top-pantyhose. He is quite the sight as he looks in the mirror. Silky full hair, eyeliner, lipstick, bra, he takes a swig of his rum just to pump a little testosterone back into his system before wrestling with the pantyhose again. "It is confirmed, I'm a bit of a dork," he laughs to himself.

"Uncle Killian!"

"Annabeth?"

The young girl gasps in shock when she rounds the corner and takes in her uncle's appearance.

"What are you wearing? Pantyhose? A bra? Since when are you a crossdresser, and does dad know about it?"

"It's for work related research only! It's a stupid project about what women want. Never mind, beside the point." He's scratching behind his ear nervously trying to decide where to go from here. _Damage control_. "And who the hell is he?" Killian asks, pointing to the boy standing behind his niece.

"This is my boyfriend, Hans. But this doesn't seem like the greatest time for introductions. Come on, let's go," she urges her boyfriend out of the bathroom.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady," Killian hollers after her. He gets tripped up on the pantyhose that are still around his knees. For the life of him he will never know why he tries to pull them up instead of off. He loses his balance as he tries to pull them up on his muscular legs. The pantyhose rip and he struggles to untangle himself from the material. He knocks the bead container down from the counter and the remaining tiny spheres flow across the floor.

Killian tries to regain his balance but it's a lost cause, his footing is off kilter and the beads further serve to negate his fight to control gravity. He falls into the filled tub at the same time as the hairdryer he tries to grab as a last ditch effort to save himself, and then he's lost to darkness.

At that same time, his niece Annabeth wishes for her uncle to get a clue about what women truly want.

There's a sudden flash of lightning and a wish is granted.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

A/N: Italics will indicate all internal thinking, sometimes what Killian is thinking, but namely what women are thinking in their heads around Killian Jones.

Killian wakes up and his head is killing him. _Bloody hell!_ _Where am I?_ He winces as he slowly looks around trying to make sense of his situation. He hears voices at the same time he realizes he's in his bathroom. He stands up, takes off the blasted bra and pantyhose and puts on a robe. He walks towards the voices, wondering who the hell would be at his place right now.

 _Right_ , he thinks. Annabeth got here early. He pinches the bridge of his nose as he remembers her and some teenage hormone bag walking in on his work research.

"I cannot believe he's still asleep. Maybe he's going through a midlife crisis. That could explain the cross dressing. Right?"

"You don't sound too fond of him."

"He only cares about himself. I still think I would have been better off on my own. Dad wanted me to stay with him. I wish Aunt Aurora could have taken me in like normal."

The talking stops as Killian enters his kitchen. He pours a quick cup of coffee then turns toward the two teenagers at his breakfast bar. "Annabeth why is he still here?" He points at the guy standing next to her.

She snickers at his appearance. _This is my dad's idea of adult supervision?_ "Well if you would've woken up on time I wouldn't have had to call Hans to pick me up for school."

"Why are you even here? You weren't supposed to be here until after school today." Killian's tone has a bit of a bite to it, but how dare she question his ability to be the adult supervision she needs.

"Maybe if you had answered your phone you would know. Dad called you several times last night, he and mom had to leave earlier than expected. You were supposed to go to the airport and see them off and pick me up. I had to call Hans since you were occupied."

"Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Yep, Hans just got here to pick me up since you were still sleeping."

"Fine, let's get your things put away, follow me." He guides them to the guest room. "I'm guessing Liam gave you the spare key?"

 _No, duh. How do you think I got in?_

"Annabeth, we are going to be living together for a while so I would suggest you start showing me some respect."

She rolls her eyes at him and drops her bag on the bed. "What? I didn't say anything. Oh, and now that you're dressed somewhat normally, this is my boyfriend Hans. Hans, meet my Uncle Killian."

"Hey man, that eyeliner really makes your eyes pop," the boy smirks.

"Come on Hans we are gonna be so late thanks to sleepy head." She pulls the guy behind her and walks out.

Killian has a feeling things are not going to be smooth sailing.

* * *

Killian hurries to get ready for work, apparently Annabeth is not the only one that's going to be late.

Something feels off, but he dismisses the nagging suspicion and continues about his day.

He happily greets his doorwoman on his way out, "Good morning, love."

 _Well, hello tall dark and handsome. Mmm, mmm. The things I would do to you!_

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." He raises his eyebrow in confusion.

"I didn't say anything, Mr. Jones." She looks at him innocently.

He doesn't believe her, but there's no time for arguing since he is already running late. He walks away and then he hears it.

 _Grrrrr._

He pauses and turns to what appears to be the source but she just smiles kindly at him. What the bloody hell is going on?

As he walks hurriedly towards his office building he's plagued by voices. He looks around the street and multiple thoughts flood his mind.

' _Monsieur, I need to poop._

Startled he looks down and there is a french poodle in front of him with expectation in the bounce of her paws.

He practically runs the rest of the way hoping to drown out the voices.

* * *

Killian rushes inside his office building almost trampling down an innocent young girl.

" **Ooof."**

 _He almost killed me, to bad he missed._ The petite blonde girl hurries past him.

Killian pauses momentarily as he questions what he thinks he just heard. It must have been his imagination. It cannot be real, maybe he hit his head harder than he thought when he fell last night.

Killian tries to catch a glimpse of the young girl, but she disappears quickly and soon she's lost among the multiple voices. He continues his walk to his office, but at every turn, he is surprised at the negative comments he is hearing.

 _Too bad he is so handsome..._

 _He only cares about adding a notch to his bedpost._

 _He is such a pig!_

 _Women are more than sex toys!_

He scratches behind his ear as he continues his trek. His office has never felt so far away.

Out of the corner of his eye, his assistant appears. "Mr. Jones, I have your messages," Jasmine speaks with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"Thank you, Jasmine." He extends his hand for her to provide the messages.

 _Why can't you take me seriously? I know why, because I have a vagina!_

Killian jumps back as he stares at her, her lips sealed shut, and her eyes displaying indifference. He tries to smile, surely he isn't a terrible boss; or perhaps he is the vilest human being alive?

 _You only pay me minimum wage, good thing I use the company phone to call my boyfriend in Israel._

Will arrives completely unaware of his friend's predicament and greets him. "Hey, Killian, are you ready for the meeting?"

Killian is still staring at Jasmine as his friend attempts to gain his attention.

Jasmine smiles at Will and then returns her attention to Killian, "Is there anything else?" _Because I have nothing better to do than pick up your dry cleaning or whatever you're craving today, and I have a damn Ivy League education._

Killian sighs, "No, thank you, Jasmine." She nods and walks away.

"Will, please tell me you heard that?"

"Heard what, Killian? She just asked if there was anything else?" Will asks confused.

Killian grabs Will by the arm and drags him towards their intended destination, "She said she has an Ivy League education, you didn't hear that?"

"No, I didn't, because she didn't say that. Mate, what's wrong with you?" Will stares at his friend.

Killian runs his fingers through his thick black hair in desperation. "Okay, I'll tell you," he leans closer to his friend to whisper his answer, "I hear womens' thoughts, you know, personal thoughts, the ones no one is supposed to hear. I hear them."

Will prompts Killian to move. They're going to be late for the meeting, "Mate, that is an impressive talent, but can you move your arse I don't want to be late." He stalks off toward the meeting without another word.

Killian glares at the back of his friend's head and speeds up to catch up. He can't help smiling in mischief. "Mate? Will, wait. I can prove it to you."

Will slows to wait for his friend. "Killian, how do you plan to prove it? You ponce."

"Simple, do you see who is walking towards us?"

Will's face pales as he notices the object of his affection walking directly towards them.

Killian smiles and greets the blonde as she reaches them. "Hello, Anastasia." She smiles and keeps on walking. "Will, do you want to know what she thinks of you?"

Will nods nervously, "Yes," he takes a breath in and waits for the response.

"I'm sorry to break it to you mate, she thinks you're overpaid and in love with me."

"Overpaid, wait... what do you mean she thinks I'm in love with you?" Will's panic is obvious.

Killian laughs, "Well, you do seem quite enamored with me, and I am devilishly handsome. She doesn't blame you. I agree with the lass, she thinks you have great taste."

"She thinks that?" Will gasps in horror, the woman he is madly in love with, she thinks he is in love with his best friend. _Buggering hell!_ "I need to talk to her."

"We are late for our meeting," Killian says as he leaves his friend behind, and promptly opens the door to the conference room to enter.

Will catches up with him and stops him from entering, "Okay, let's say I believe you, how did it happen?"

Killian smiles faintly, "Remember that pink box?"

Will nods his reply.

"I got bugger arse drunk. I tried all of the items from the bloody box, then fell into my tub only to get electrocuted by my hair dryer."

Will laughs at the image of his friend trying all those girly items.

"When I woke up, I could hear what women were thinking. It is bloody frustrating."

Will stares at his friend, still in disbelief because it's not possible. Or is it, he needs to confirm, "So you _really can_ hear women's thoughts?"

"Aye, I just told you what your beloved thinks of you. I can bloody hear what a french poodle thinks." Killian is starting to lose his patience.

They finally arrive at the conference room. A petite blonde wearing green walks briskly by them. "I wonder if they would even notice if I just jumped through the plate glass?" she laughs humorlessly, "probably not, unless I got glass all over them. No one would notice I'm gone until they needed something from me." She sniffles and disappears before Killian can react.

Killian stills at the doorway, frantically looking for the girl. Will notices and looks at him, "What's wrong?"

"The girl that just walked by," he stammers "she's funny, a bit suicidal, but funny." He pauses momentarily, "She wouldn't, right?"

Will looks past Killian and around them, "Wouldn't what? I don't see anyone, maybe you imagined it?"

Killian's eyes travel the same path as Will's but he doesn't see anyone. He will have to pay closer attention.

Finally everyone takes a seat to start the meeting. Will sits next to Killian and there are small conversations throughout the room.

Killian looks at Emma and he can tell she is nervous. She's fiddling with her necklace.

 _I'm so nervous it feels like if it was the first day of school._

She takes a deep breath and finally starts the meeting. "Good morning. So how did we do? Does anyone want to volunteer to go first?" she asks as she looks at all the faces, but everyone seems to avoid her.

 _Great everyone is avoiding me, except Killian Jones, he is the only one with good eye contact._ She leans forward to grab a warm muffin to go with her coffee. _At least he is not looking down my blouse._

Without thinking his eyes slowly look down her blouse as he admires her cleavage.

"So Killian what did you come up with?" she asks while she finishes preparing her coffee and meets his eyes.

He smiles nervously, "I was thinking about the lipstick. I've never worn lipstick myself, but I was thinking of what I would want in a lipstick if I were a woman-"

The women around him snort with derision., _Oh spare me,_ he hears. Killian stills for a second, but Emma nods encouraging him to continue.

"Please, go on."

Killian clears his throat, "I was thinking of-" his mind drifts to the image of Emma he had conjured up last night during his tests of the products, she'd been underneath a waterfall, wearing red lipstick. He finally shakes the image off, "a beautiful woman." His ears turned beet red, but he continues, "She's wearing the lipstick and is only wearing a bikini, underneath a waterfall."

 _Really? I should have asked for more money._

Emma's thoughts startled him, and soon a barrage of thoughts from the mob around him flood his mind

 _Such a pig!_

 _Grow up!_

 _You are so foul!_

 _Disgusting- I cannot believe he has seen me naked!_ "

Killian looks at the women around the room. "I'm still working on it," he defends himself. "I don't suppose anybody is interested in an idea involving the Swedish bikini team? I do know them all personally." He licks his lips subconsciously and grimaces as their thoughts continue to assault him.

 _Idiot._

 _Jerk._

 _What a dog!_

In an attempt to change the subject Emma asks, "Anyone else? Ariel, what did you come up with?" Ariel smiles nervously as all the attention focuses on her. " Last night I was trying to think of a way to sell Advil just to women-"

Astrid's thought captures Killian's attention.

 _You can sell it to women like me.,_ She giggles aloud. _I take it every time I fake a headache, works like a charm."_

Killian interrupts Ariel, "Sorry love, do you mind if I interrupt for a sec?"

Ariel smiles, "Sure, why not?" _I still cannot believe I slept with you._

Killian smiles at the memory, they'd had a good time.. "Picture this, we're in a bedroom, the lights are dimmed, there's a woman in bed and she is taking an Advil. Her husband turns to her and suggestively rubs her shoulder, and we say, Advil so mild and gentle, you can take it even if you're faking a headache."

The room erupts into laughter, the men giving their approval.

Killian continues, "And the woman turns to her husband in mock disappointment, sorry not tonight, I need an Advil."

The men keep laughing, while the women glare at him.

"What? Doesn't that reach women on a personal level? Killian asks.

 _"NO!_!" the women shout in unison.

He turns to Astrid. "Astrid, you've done that, haven't you? Faked a headache to-" His eyebrows raise in lieu of saying the words.

Astrid stutters a response, "No, Killian, I have not."

"Lass, be honest now, I mean, you've been married to Leroy for about ten years. And you've never faked a headache? It doesn't work like a charm?"

She pales at his choice of words. "No, I haven't." _What an asshole!_

"I guess I was wrong," Killian apologizes as her insult flies into his head.

Emma waits a second before replying, "I like that you are trying to get into women's minds. I'm not sure Advil would approve, but it's a start." She smiles and moves her attention to the others.

Will leans towards Killian and whispers in his ear, "Did the poodle give you that one mate?" Then he bursts into a laugh.

Killian glares at Will and then turns to the rest of the conference attendees. Everyone gives a few ideas but nothing worth much.

* * *

The meeting ends and the day goes on. Killian decides to hole up in his office while he figures out what to do. At the end of his day there's one thing he knows for sure, he just wants to go home and relax with a nice rum.

Killian is finally home and the quiet calms his nerves, until a shriek brings him back.

"What are you doing home so early?" Annabeth's big wide blue eyes stare at him and slowly drift to her boyfriend Hans. Their ruffled hair and wrinkled clothes mapping an image no parent would want to walk in on.

"I bloody live here." Killian's jaw clenches as the image in front of him becomes crystal clear, there is debauchery afoot, and he should know, he is an expert after all. His fifteen year old niece was in a compromising situation with her older boyfriend. His eyes land on Hans.

Annabeth's thoughts bring his attention back to her. _This is so embarrassing. My boyfriend feeling me up in front of my uncle. Oh, shit. My bra, where is it?_ " Her eyes dart frantically around the floor.

"Bloody hell." Killian eyes land on the offending object and slowly he lowers himself to pick it up, then tosses it to her.

Hans clears his throat. "Okay, relax. Nothing happened."

In a few strides Killian is in front of the younger man, "She is fifteen bloody years old, you know what I'm saying, mate? Now get out!"

"No! Hans wait for me," Annabeth yells. She has her things with her in a flash as she follows Hans to the door. _Please, don't ruin this for me, we're supposed to go to prom._

"Annabeth, you're not going with him, not now, nor to prom," Killian's voice booms from behind her.

She stops and turns to face him. "How did you know about prom? Besides you're not my father!" she hisses at him.

"Your parents told me and do they know what you have been up to with him? My brother wouldn't stand for this behavior."

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "They trust me."

"Annabeth, I know what boys want, and this one," his fingers pointed at a frozen Hans, "is not getting it from my niece."

"Really?" her voice trembles. "Suddenly we are family, you never cared for me before." _How can I be related to this asshole_?

Hans voice interrupts their argument, "Annabeth, I'm gonna leave now, we'll talk later." He turns to Killian, "I'm real sorry about this."

Killian smirks, "Save it." He pushes past Hans and opens the door to let the guy out.

After Hans leaves, Annabeth heads to her room and slams the door shut.

"Bloody great day!" Killian growls as he stands in his hallway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Killian rushes to his room and grabs the pink box. He stares at it with as much hate as anyone could feel for an object.

He grabs the items out and proceeds to recreate the moment that has ruined his life.

Thunder rumbles loudly, lightning illuminates the room for seconds. All he wants is his old life back. He is a man on a mission.

He pulls the objects from the box once more and repeats his steps from that unfortunate night. He is acting like a mad man, waving his hairdryer around. His last thought, _this has to work_. The bathtub is full, with one leg immersed in water he is holding the hair dryer dangerously close to the tub. His other leg is out of the tub and for a brief second he hesitates. _Maybe this is not the best-laid plan,_ he thinks. But as he tries to pull the cord of the hair dryer from the electric socket, he loses his balance only for the hairdryer to fall into the tub. He knows this could end tragically and as he is scrambling to get out of the tub, he notices the sparks of electricity just before he is shocked and loses consciousness once more.

* * *

Killian wakes up hours later. _Good, I'm not dead._ Panting. _Bloody hell, please, please tell me I got rid of it._ His hair is disheveled and sticking out. He pauses for a second as he struggles to get up on his feet. He pats his body down to make sure everything is intact. He scans the room and remembers the previous night. He rushes out of the restroom and knocks on Annabeth's door. He puts his elven ear to the door hoping he can hear her, no, what he wants is not to be able to hear her thoughts, or any other women's thoughts. No answer. No noise. She probably left earlier in hopes of avoiding him. She succeeded, she is nowhere in sight.

His only hope is Granny but then he remembers she had taken a week off to go visit her granddaughter. He grabs his phone as he quickly starts getting dressed. He hits dial on a random female name on his phone. The call goes to voicemail. He tries a different number but ends in the same result. Maybe his doorwoman can help. _Bloody hell,_ where's a woman when he needs one. And not for enjoyable activities. He rushes out of his place and once he reaches the lobby he scans it for the doorwoman. He comes face to face with the night doorman, Marco in her place. "Mr. Jones, how may I help you?" the kind older man asks.

"No, thank you." Killian smiles and he rushes out of the building. He rushes up the street, walking aimlessly trying to spot a woman to test if his near death electrocution was a success. No such luck.

The construction site a few blocks from his place is blocking most of the sidewalk so he crosses the street. Fate appears to be laughing at him. He spots a department store. There has to be at least one woman there. He rushes inside and is greeted with the answer to his prayers. Women are all around and talking to each other. So far he cannot confirm if his affliction is gone.

A conversation between two women catch his attention. They are talking about lipstick and that's when he notices they're not moving their lips instead they're using sign language. _Bloody hell!_ He'd failed to rid himself of the curse. The disappointment is evident on his face. He is going to go crazy.

He rushes out of the store without a destination as he is flooded with the thoughts of all the women around him. He ends up outside of the psychologist his brother Liam forced him to see after the Milah debacle. His brother didn't approve of his sudden change in behavior. Well, he saw a lot more of the lovely Doctor than his brother would approve.

He knocks loudly on the wood door and presses the doorbell.

Dr. Faerie opens the door hesitantly.

Killian bypasses her and goes inside.

"Dr. Faerie, I don't know if you remember me, but I need your help. I think I'm going crazy. I was here years ago -" Killian runs his hands through his hair, "our sessions were cut short, Bleu. I need your help."

She stiffens, _of course she remembers him. She always feared her career would end because of their inappropriate behavior._

He continues, "I apologize for my rudeness but I don't know who to turn to. I'm afraid to go to work, I'm afraid of my door woman-don't worry about your career ending, no one knows of our dalliance, and this is not about that. I can hear what women think, and it's driving me crazy."

"Mr. Jones, please calm down. Let me make sure I understand what you're saying."

Killian nods.

"You can hear what women think?"

He nods again.

"Mr. Jones, this kind of imaginary displacement scenario…"

"I'm not imagining anything. Test me if you don't believe me." Killian flops onto the couch.

Dr. Faerie sits behind her desk and hums, "Okay, let me think…" she glances to her computer, _damn it, I wanted to win that lamp_. She sighs.

"How much was it going for, the lamp on Ebay?" Killian asks as he raises his brow.

"How did you," the Doctor notices the reflection of her computer screen on the mirror behind her. "Oh, that was very clever."

"Fine, you don't believe me. Think of a number, any number."

"Any number? Between one and a million?"

"Yes, go crazy. Why the hell not?"

She looks at him, "Okay," her mind drifts between several numbers.

"Lass, how about making a decision here? It can't be that difficult."

Dr. Bleu Faerie gasps, _oh dear_.

"I would have chosen more colorful language, but you can say that again."

"I didn't say anything."

"I know but that doesn't mean I didn't hear it."

"Okay, let's say I do believe you. And you can hear what women think. Even if I'm a grown woman of... _45_. 39."

"My lips are sealed."

"Holy crap! Please, forgive me."

"That's all right."

"Dear, this is phenomenal. You can hear inside my head."

"Yes."

"Why would you want to rid yourself of such a brilliant gift?"

Killian's smile tightens. "For starters, almost every woman I know thinks I'm an arsehole."

"Mr. Jones, let's try to look at the good side of this. Shall we? Freud died at age 83 still asking one question, what do women want?"

He stares at her, obviously missing her point.

She takes a breath, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were the one man on Earth finally able to answer that question? Mr. Jones, something extraordinary happened to you, and I think it's miraculous. My advice is you must learn from this. There isn't a single woman alive that doesn't wish her man understood her better. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus and you understand Venusian, the world can be yours. I have no idea how this happened to you or why, but you may be the luckiest man on Earth. Just imagine the possibilities. If you know what women want, you can rule."


End file.
